Real vs. Virtual Community
Erev Rosh Hashanah 5769
Rabbi Joseph R. Black
Congregation Albert -
Albuquerque, NM
My Dear Friends - L'Shanah Tovah!
I want to begin tonight with a question: How many friends do you have? Can you count them? I can - as of last week, I have 785 Friends - at least that's what Facebook tells me....
For those of you who may not know what I'm talking about - Facebook is a social networking site. It is similar to My Space, Linked In and many other online services where people can post information about themselves, their likes, dislikes, photographs, interests, etc. I have been a member of Facebook for several months now. I must confess that when I first set up a Facebook account it was because I wanted to see what my kids were doing online. In a very short time, however, I realized that it also afforded me a wonderful opportunity to be in contact with friends and family around the world. Through Facebook, I have been able to reconnect with fans of my music, current and former congregants, long-lost High School, College and Rabbinical School classmates, campers and counselors. When Elana was in Israel last semester, we were able to keep in touch through her blog posts and photographs as well as instant messaging that made the distance between New Mexico and Israel seem much smaller.
Facebook is a virtual community - a concept that, just a few years ago, was non-existent - outside of the world of Academics and Science Fiction writers. Today, the language of avatars, blogs, wikis and chat rooms is quickly becoming a central part of our culture. "Friending" has become a verb as in: "Can I 'friend' you on Facebook?"
The difference between a virtual community and a real community is that a virtual community is sanitized: it makes no demands of you. In a virtual community, you have the power to create or re-create your persona any way you want. It is as interactive as you want to make it. Each member of a virtual community controls the degree to which he or she is involved. These communities are seductive. We can chose who we interact with, on what terms and, whenever we want. We can create our own persona to reflect the facts or the fantasies of our daily life. We can disconnect at whim. We can block, ignore and filter any interactions that don't fit our profile. Virtual communities allow us to have complete control over our experience.
Real communities, however, are not so simple. Real communities take hard work. In real community, we have to deal with everyone and everything: we can't block out those individuals or arenas of our lives that are unpleasant, unnecessary, extraneous or unpopular. Real community demands a response; it requires compromise and hard work.
Tonight, we come to this sacred place as a Kehilla Kedosha - a sacred community - a real community. We are here to reconfirm our connection to our faith, tradition, history, congregation and culture. We have come as individuals and together we have created a community of worshippers.
As I look out over our community tonight, I am once again reminded of the passage in the Talmud(1) that teaches about a special blessing that one should say when one sees a great crowd gathering. This blessing is:
"Barukh Chacham Ha-Razim - blessed is the One who discerns the secrets of each of our individual hearts."
I love this blessing. In one small sentence it encapsulates a very sophisticated theological concept: You see, although we are all here tonight as a large and dynamic congregation united in worship - each of us is ALSO here as an individual with our own thoughts, fears, joys, sins and secrets. Each of us has our own dialogue with God. We are all unique. We are all holy. And yet, our tradition teaches that although our prayers and petitions may be different from one another, they all ascend to heaven; they are considered, measured and answered during these High Holy Days. We may not get the answer we want - but we do get an answer.
"Barukh Chacham Ha Razim - blessed is the One who discerns the secrets of each of our individual hearts."
Some of you may recall that ten years ago, on Erev Rosh Hashanah, I spoke about the fact that each of us enters this sanctuary through different doorways(2). As I look out at you tonight, I see so many different reasons for being here:
The truth is, like Facebook - each of us has our own "home page" at Congregation Albert. We all tailor our Temple experience to fit our individual needs. And yet, unlike Facebook, when we are here, we can't shut out those aspects of our community that we don't like, or we don't take advantage of, or that don't meet our specific requirements. We're all in this together - and the fact that we are here together - reciting ancient prayers, remembering sacred melodies, contemplating and confronting the Truths of our hearts and minds - (that) is one of the central themes that defines us as a community.
I truly believe that Judaism is a radical religion. Unlike other faith traditions, it teaches that the most important aspect of our existence is not our relationship with God - but, rather, our relationship with one another. Ultimately, it is through our community that we discover our own individual holiness - and that of those around us as well.
The 20th Century Jewish Theologian, Martin Buber, in his classic work, I and Thou, teaches that there are two basic types of human relationships: "I-It" and "I-Thou." An "I-It" relationship is one in which we interact with others for the purpose of gaining something. This can take place in the arena of commerce, entertainment or any experience where we come in contact with others. An "I-It" relationship is not necessarily a bad thing: in fact, the vast majority of our relationships are "I-It." When I go to the store to purchase an article of clothing and I hand the sales clerk the required money, I have entered into an "I-It" relationship. When I ask a favor from or grant a request of a friend we have given to and taken from one another. These relationships and interactions are essential for society to function. Of course, some "I-It" relationships can be destructive and manipulating - especially when we use them for the purpose of our own gain at the expense or hurt of others. The recent financial crises our nation is experiencing could be traced to the greed and lack of foresight of those who sought to manipulate the markets and take advantage of those who are less fortunate than themselves.
An "I-Thou" relationship, on the other hand, is not about commerce, fulfilling needs or personal gain. This is the purest (and rarest) of interactions. According to Buber, when we come in contact with another person as an "Eternal Thou," we experience the essential holiness of their soul. In this type of encounter, we engage the other on a level that transcends their "otherness" - we lose track of physical or emotional boundaries. In the "I-Thou" encounter, we experience a unity of purpose that helps us to add another layer to the template through which we experience God in the world.
Buber teaches that it is through our relationships with others that we begin to understand what it means to have a relationship with the Divine.
In Buberian terms, when we interact with our community - in prayer, study, acts of righteousness or even in the mundane interactions of daily life - our goal should be to see others, not as service providers or competitors, but rather as sacred vessels - reflections of our own inner holiness - created in the image of God. We experience God's presence in the recognition of the holiness and beauty of those around us.
This can be seen not only in the way we interact with others, but in how we perceive the community as a whole as well. I recently attended a meeting of the National Rabbinic Cabinet of the United Jewish Communities. While there, I heard several presentations on important issues that face the American Jewish community. One presentation, in particular, made a big impression on me. The speaker, a colleague from Chicago, talked about how he felt that the biggest challenge that faces the Jewish people is not anti-Semitism, assimilation or radical Islam. He said that without a doubt, we are seeing a shift within the American Jewish community away from the values of community building to those of radical individualism - the idea that each member of the community wants to tailor his or her own Jewish experience to reflect their personal needs and comfort level.
As I listened to my colleague, I realized that, here in Albuquerque, we do not face the same degree of challenge as in other communities. One of the things I love most about Congregation Albert is the fact that most of our members care deeply about the process of creating, celebrating and maintaining our community. This has never been more evident than in the past few weeks when, unfortunately, we have had a series of tragic losses. The outpouring of support and love that we have experienced in the wake of these deaths has been an affirming and essential reflection of how we take care of one another.
And yet, we are not immune. For increasing numbers of people, joining a synagogue is becoming more about the programs and services that are offered and not the community that is created. More and more, the decision to join or not to join a congregation is about the value such membership provides to the consumer. With our rapidly shrinking economy, is it a better investment to join a synagogue or a health club? What's the best bang for the buck?
Now I have to be careful about what I am saying, here, I understand this. The last thing I want to do is to alienate anybody. At the same time, however, I am very concerned about the growing trend that I and my colleagues around the country are seeing in our synagogues and throughout the Jewish community. Increasingly, we are encountering more and more situations where families and individuals want to become involved in the community - but they ONLY want to be involved on their own terms. If the synagogue won't provide them with what they want - they will look elsewhere - their own needs are seen as more important than the needs of the community.
We also see this in Religious school when Jewish Education is perceived as secondary to other "extra-curricular" activities such as sports and music lessons. When children are absent from the classroom, not only do they suffer, but also their classmates and teachers are affected as well. Class dynamics are changed. Teachers are forced to spend precious time reviewing material that was missed instead of moving ahead with the curriculum.
We see this in some life-cycle events such as the celebration of our children becoming B'nai Mitzvah, where, instead of rejoicing in Shabbat, some families are creating private, invitation-only rituals that celebrate the uniqueness of their children at the expense of the community at large.
There actually is a cottage industry around the country where Jewish clergy and pseudo-clergy advertise their willingness to create individualized Bar and Bat Mitzvah services, naming ceremonies, conversions and life-cycle events that that are custom designed for the participants. For a fee, you can have your own personal Rabbi or Cantor who will come to your home and work closely with you to create the event of your dreams. And these events can be beautiful, to be sure.
Beauty notwithstanding, I strongly believe that there is something that feels wrong about privatizing Jewish experience. When we remove the context of real community from our daily lives, we are living in a Facebook-like bubble where Judaism exists only to serve our individual needs - we can have it when we want it, where we want it - and we can put it away when we no longer have a need for it.
Or, to put it in Buberian terms, we have sacrificed the "Thou" of community, for the "It" of personal gratification.
In a way, I suppose I'm glad that there are those who are reaching out to the unaffiliated and the disaffected. Perhaps a positive Jewish experience might bring them back into the fold. Perhaps, this development is inevitable. In a world where almost every aspect of our lives can be personalized - when we can design our own web pages, our own gym shoes - even our own custom M & M's, why shouldn't we also strive to design our own custom Jewish experiences?
In addition, if people are feeling that the Jewish community or the Synagogue is not meeting their needs, we need to take a long and hard look at the reasons why. Have we neglected to provide the programs and experiences that build a sense of community among our members? Are we too rigid? Are we so blinded by what has always been that we are unable to adapt to a new and changing world?
These are legitimate questions - and we are asking them of ourselves. I strongly believe that we need to do everything we can to reach out to the disaffected in our congregation and community and help them to find ways back into the Jewish life.
Recently, our Board of Trustees had two fascinating and vitally important discussions that will impact the way that we worship as a congregation. The Religious Practices Committee asked that we initiate, on a trial basis, an "alternative" Shabbat morning service once a month when a Bar or Bat mitzvah is being celebrated in the Sanctuary. Their second request was that we change - also on a trial basis - the time of all of our Friday night, Erev Shabbat services to 6:00 - with the exception of the 2nd Shabbat of every month which will be at 8:00.
During our discussions at both the Religious Practices Committee and the Board of Trustees we heard forceful and passionate arguments from all sides of the issues that surround these two changes.
Both of these decisions caused us to examine the fact that some people feel that we are not able to meet the spiritual needs of some of our congregants. There are some who feel that at Shabbat morning services where a bar or bat mitzvah is celebrated, too much emphasis is placed on the needs of the family - to the detriment of those who just want to come and pray. On the other hand, if we truly are celebrating the values of community, by creating a separate service, we are taking the risk of further dividing the community.
The issue of the early services on Friday night comes as a response to the fact that fewer people were coming at 8:00- and more and more were coming to the 6:00 services. For some members of our community, however, 8:00 services are a vitally important part of their Friday night experience. For others, an 8PM service is a relic of a different world - a different time. The idea that you can come to services after work with your family and then return home for a relaxing Shabbat dinner and family - instead of having to rush home, eat a quick dinner and then run to the synagogue - is very appealing.
Remember, both of these initiatives are on a trial basis. At the end of the year, we will evaluate their effectiveness and decide what changes, if any we want to implement. If you feel strongly about either of these areas - let us know by supporting the services you want- as well as giving us constructive feedback. We want to strengthen our community - not create more divisions.
"Barukh Chacham Ha-Razim - blessed is the One who discerns the secrets of each of our individual hearts."
The story is told of a wealthy man who had three children(3). As he was uncertain as to which child he should entrust with the management of his business, he devised a test. He took his children to a room which was absolutely empty and he said to each of them, "Fill this room as best as you are able."
The first son got to work immediately. He called in bulldozers, earth-moving equipment, workmen with shovels and wheelbarrows and they got very busy. By the end of the day the room was filled, floor to ceiling, wall to wall, with earth.
The room was cleared and the second son was given his chance. He was more of an accountant type so he had no shortage of paper: boxes, files, archives, records, that had been standing and accumulating dust for years and years suddenly found a new purpose. At any rate, it didn't take long and the room was absolutely filled from floor to ceiling, wall to wall, with paper.
Again the room was cleared and the third child, a daughter, was given her turn. She seemed very relaxed and didn't appear to be gathering or collecting anything at all with which to fill the room. She waited until nightfall and then invited her father, her brothers and the rest of her family to join her in the room. Slowly, she opened the door. The room was absolutely pitch black, engulfed in darkness. She took something out of her pocket. It was a candle. She lit the candle and suddenly the room was filled with light.
She got the job.
Some of us fill our homes with stuff - with lots of physical objects and possessions which clutter our closets but leave us empty. Our cars and clothes, our treasures and toys, all lose their attractiveness with time. If all we seek satisfaction from is the material we are left with a gaping void in our lives.
Others are into paper. We hoard money, stocks, bonds, share portfolios, but there is little in the way of real relationships.
The wise child understood how to fill a vacuum. She knew that the emptiness of life needs light. Light allows us to see one another. Light allows us to understand community. When we truly see each other - with all of our flaws, hopes, dreams and potential - we understand that we are interconnected. Buber taught that it is in the sacred recognition of the other that we can begin to comprehend the purpose of our existence. We need light in order to see: the light of community. The light of Torah. The light of Mitzvot. The light of the Synagogue.
My friends, on this Erev Rosh HaShanah we are celebrating Real Community - not some virtual reflection of what we could be. Tonight we come together in prayer and hope in order to strengthen the bonds of connection that help us to see the holiness in ourselves and one another. May the coming year bring us the ability to find the light that illuminates the best in all that we do. AMEN L'Shanah Tovah
(Endnotes)
1 Berachot 58a
2 Sermons: "The Doorways Of Congregation Albert" Rabbi Joseph R. Black. Erev Rosh Ha Shanah - 5758
3 Adapted from a story by Rabbi Yossy Goldman www.Chabad.org